This will be my second attempt at a post. I can’t seem to get much written lately. I can’t seem to get much of anything creative done lately, actually. When Awesome Reader Olivia asked about why I hadn’t blogged, I told her what was going on and why, and she said, “Why don’t you blog about that?” Since the situation is really annoying, and it’s been bothering me, I’m giving up on appearing competent and writing about “How This is Just not Working Out Right Now.”
I’ve created almost nothing in the last nineteen days. In November I did almost nothing except work on my novel for NaNoWriMo. I scheduled one hour during that month to work on one of my sculptures. Other than that, it was all writing.
When NaNo came to a close I took a deserved mini-break, but did write a couple thousand words during the first week of December. I think I sat down one Saturday and hammered some out, or maybe it was that Sunday at the coffee shop with the girl reading Wroblewski. Anyway, I wrote then, but that’s all I’ve done on the novel since November ended.
Not long after NaNo ended something funny happened to my right hand. I’m not at all sure what I did or how I did it, but I strained something in my hand, and now I can’t do anything too strenuous with it. I can still pick up stuff, type, eat – all that good stuff – but I can’t grip very well. It hurts to do that. Feels like a muscle strain. I can’t practice guitar, and that’s been bugging the hell out of me. I can’t really do any sculpture work, because I’m right handed and that pursuit is all about the firm grasping of tools and wire, so there’s been no sculpture for at least two weeks.
I think the guitar and the sculpture stuff has backed me into a corner on the writing as well. It’s just one big pile of suck, and I’m not doing so well at getting out of it. And for those wonder, no, I haven’t gone to the doctor. Are you mad? That might help! Actually, it seemed like such a small thing when it happened that I just figured I’d leave it alone and not stress it for a while and it would go away. I’ve actually had this happen before in the past and it has gone away. This seems to be lingering, however, and I’m not sure if part of it is just the fact that these days I’m doing a lot more that requires hand-work, or that maybe I’m just better at taking care of myself these days and I’m not apt to just ignore it and do whatever I want anyway.
I’m debating the doctor visit. I don’t like doctors. Actually, that’s not true. I don’t mind doctors at all, it’s the taking time off from work and spending half a day sitting around in an office only to be told, “Yeah, there’s not much we can do about it. You’ll just have to avoid using it as much as possible.” that really bugs the crap out of me. This seems to happen to me most of the time when I go to the doctor.
Perhaps there will be some writing done this weekend. I really am missing the guitar and sculpture work, however. I had a thought before Christmas to make some ornaments for family from copper wire, and I can’t even really do that. Not fun.
At least there’s a blog post up. I’ve not been 100% taken out of the game.
Hey there, Mr. Grinch.
First, thanks for the unexpected and undeserved title of “Awesome Reader.” I feel like somewhat of a celebrity now.
Second, I’m in no way encouraging your continued absence from the doctor, but I sort of had something similar happen to my hand four years ago. I totally smashed the middle tendon that runs from my knuckle to my wrist while at work. It hurt like hell at first, but then not so much…unless I tried to grip something. Fortunately, it was my left hand so I wasn’t completely useless. I immediately went to the doctor — I had to because it was a work injury — and she pretty much told me what you’re thinking you will be told. “Don’t use it, and it will get better eventually.” She did, however, give me a nice little wrap for it, which stabilized the tendons. I highly suggest doing that, because no matter how hard you try, you can’t keep your hand completely immobile without a wrap of some sort.
Alcohol does a good job of relaxing those muscles, too. Just a suggestion.
Third, regarding your inability to make those ornaments…it’s the thought that counts. I know that’s totally cliche, but cliches come about for a reason — they’re true.
Fourth, I understand your lack-of-doing-anything-creative-induced-depression. There was a period of my life — a period of years, in fact — that I allowed my bad circumstances to overshadow my desires. I went for a long time without doing anything creative. No writing, no music, no crafting, no nothing. I didn’t realize how much it was bringing me down until the day my mother-in-law gave me a hand-me-down piano that woudn’t fit in her new apartment. The same day it arrived, I sat down to it and played. No sheet music in front of me. No little stickers on the keys, reminding me which one is what letter, and which is a sharp or a flat or a natural. I played every song I had ever learned, right from my head. It was a little shaky at first, but after a couple hours (yeah, a couple hours. wow.) it was like I never missed a day of practice.
The good mood that followed lasted for weeks. Amazing, isn’t it?
Fifth, that girl in the coffee shop must have made quite the impression on you. I suggest cloning her.
Sixth, don’t take this the wrong way, but I thought it was a little funny when I got to the bottom of your post and it says, “Tags: stuck, Uncategorized, No Comments.” What a fitting way to end such a piece.
Hang in there, Tom. It can only get better from here.
Olivia
Awe, dude. You just had a major creative purging. Do you think your mind might need a little more rest? I prescribe rest, Christmas music, and cocoa. Perhaps a teddy bear.
I agree with Olivia, you’ll hit an upswing soon. I think we’ve talked before about having high expectations of ourselves, and how when those expectations are not meant we tend to be hard on ourselves. You did an incredible job in November. Would it make you feel better if I told you that it took me three years to finish the first draft of my latest book? Hurricanes and problems with family shook up the whole thing, besides just the usual daily things that stand in the way. But I finished it. You will too.
Maybe part of your frustration is withdrawl. You had such a creative outpouring that you got used to writing, sculpting, playing music, and carving on a regular basis.
I’m glad you posted. I’ve been wondering what’s been going on. Tell us more about the coffee shop girl, dude! Any chance you could see her again?
Olivia, do you have a blog or some such? I feel so cheesily trendy asking about a blog, but you’re a good writer.
Gen —
Where have you been?!
I’ve considered starting a blog recently, because I’m pretty much already doing that in e-mail form…and the e-mail address list grows by the day. I think a blog at this point would be much easier.
For now, here’s my e-mail address: [edited]
Send me a quick message, and I’ll add you to the list…
…Tom joined a few weeks ago, so you might want to ask him whether or not it’s worth it.
I started a blog for the same reason! Incredibly long e-mails. You should join the blog world. I resisted for quite some time, but now I think it’s fun. Thanks for the address, I’ll send you a hello. My blog is http://www.payphonevigilante.blogspot.com/, should you choose to visit.
Where have I been? Running around like crazy with my 3 kids’ Christmas school stuff, regular Christmas stuff, finding a job, editing the book, and regular every day stuff. Most of it has been enjoyable, but has left me little time to be in touch with my fellow writers. Sniff! I miss you guys.
I recommend blogging to anyone who needs some sort of outlet for writing. Making it public is a good way to put yourself on task (for someone like me who needs to be put to task, anyway).
Thanks for the comments, Olivia and Gen! The support is always appreciated.