As I mentioned previously, I’ve been doing some experimenting, some playing around with drawing. The interest in colors first came out when I did some work with the Artist’s Way, one of my Artist Dates where I goofed around with crayons and markers. My friend Darryl inspired me to take it a step further when I saw some of his really awesome colored pencil abstracts. He then very generously moved me further towards carrying things out by giving me a bunch of colored pencils. I started, got really into it, bought some more, worked on it more, bought even more pencils, and now I have some additional progress to show you.

Fun stuff, huh? It’s kind of hard to do work like this, because part of my brain keeps telling me I’m screwing around and that this isn’t “real art.” This is the part of my brain that’s always telling me that, no matter what I’m doing creatively, it’s not valid for some reason or other. The reasons vary, but they’re generally along the lines of “You’re not good enough.” I realized last night that the fact I’ve managed to get so far along on this little project shows how much progress I’ve made in not letting that little voice get the best of me these days. In years past that voice was sufficient to keep me from even starting most projects.

It is almost scary to note that, after years and years and years of not allowing myself to do anything like this, I now have two complete rolling ball sculptures (soon as Tina finishes up that awesome base for the second one, anyway), I’ve written 86K words of a novel, and I’m able to finish little fun drawings like this one. This ability to finish things, this is – as far as my own personal growth goes – huge stuff. I’m extremely grateful for it. You know what happens when you become able to finish things? You finish them, then you can feel good about them, show them to other people, share your work, your self, your life. It’s incredibly powerful.

Something else kind of wild that has crept into this little exercise is what appears to be some kind of learning process. I thought I would just basically be scribbling on a piece of paper, goofing off with pencils, randomly assigning colors here and there with no cause or concern for the total outcome. Yeah, I think that went away when I left the first pencil. Not that I’m incapable of just letting myself go and not freaking out about the outcome (thought that’s harder to do when I’m really tired, so I try not to do this unless I’m rested), but I’ve noticed that I’ve been making conscious decisions about this apparent random display of color. Sometimes I’ve chosen colors that I think will go with each other well, other times I hope that they won’t match at all, that they will clash, or that they will blend almost seamlessly. I can’t really help it. It just happens. Sometimes I just go, “….ummm…I think this needs to go there,” and I don’t even know why, but I picked that color, even if I didn’t know the reason for it. When you’ve spent this much time away from embracing such things, having them come out at you is kind of scary. Exciting and fun, but also kind of scary. I didn’t know I thought of things in this way, that I had these preferences, or that I flat-out enjoyed the hell out of this stuff so much. It’s really fun!

Oh, and as for it being goofy and a waste of time? I had my stuff out with me last Saturday when I met up with some friends. One works as a graphics producer. She saw the drawing and said, “Oh, that’s cool. You should send that in to a company for a design. That would be good for, like, a border on a paper plate or something. They do that on spec. You send it in, and if they like it, they give you a thousand dollars and…” My eyes kind of glazed over after the words “give you a thousand dollars,” so I need to revisit this subject with her. Nothing at all may come of it, but I have at least learned from that short bit of conversation, that the world does reward creative people for their work. Not all the time, and not always equitably, but it does happen, and right now I sure could use any sort of income from all this output! You’ll be sure to hear about it if anything more happens.

In another small but significant bit of news, I finally went over to the welding shop yesterday after my dental visit and gave them that little gear and shaft that I need to have turned down. They said they couldn’t do it, but the great news was they were able to give me the name of a shop that could, and it turns out the shop opens at 7am and it’s kind of on my way to work. If they can do it, this place would be ideal, as I would be able to drop off and pick up things without having to lose time from my regular job. I hope to stop in there tomorrow and see what I can see. If this flies, then you’ll finally start seeing progress again on my motorized RBS! Woohoo!

Stay creative, folks. You will be rewarded.