Ever wanted to be a zombie? Thought so. Me too, but until now, I never dared believe that such a dream could be mine. It’s not in the bag yet, though, so maybe I just better back up and explain what I know at this point.
A few weeks back I was goofing around on Facebook (yep, I do that, and I do it very well, thank you!) when I saw that one of my friends had added a group to her favorites. The group was called “8 Wheels of Death,” and it had this kicky little graphic with two skate wheels making up the number eight. Combining wheels with anything gets me interested, so I clicked on it. Lo and behold, what should I find but a group for “the upcoming top-secret Roller Derby Zombie short movie to be filmed during the summer of 2009” in my old college town. “What the heck,” says I, clicking on the “Join this Group” button. “I’ll keep tabs on it. Sounds like fun.”
A week later an announcement went up: “A round of auditions will be held Saturday, June 27, from 4-7pm in 9th St Park.” “Huh,” says I, “this might be interesting.” I didn’t take any action, though. I mean, me, get involved in a movie? They’d probalby need for me to be places and do things and – well, that could all get very busy and uncomfortable! I just noted it and went back to my usual Facebook sending of flair and putting up announcements of finishing writing my novel (BOOM! Didn’t see that coming, did you?!).
A couple of days after that a note goes out to everyone in the group: “We need a cool old car for a scene, so if you know of anyone who has one…” *Tom smiles wickedly and rubs his hands together over the keyboard, then begins pecking* “Dear Mr. Director, I may have something you’d be interested in…”
A day later the ’67 Chevelle has been conscripted as the “cool car” for a pivotal scene in the movie. “Hmm,” thinks myself, “maybe I should go ahead and goof off with this audition thing. I always wanted to be one of the living dead.”
I send the director an email: “Glad the car will fit your needs. I don’t think there’s any abuse it can’t take, and it’s kind of beat up anyway, which sounds like that’s what you want. I’ll be heading down for auditions this weekend, too. I’m not dying for a part or anything, but I just thought it would be a fun experience.” At this point it’s prudent to mention that I’ve never done any acting in my life, unless you count grade school spring pageants, and I don’t.
Days later I’m gassing up at a station as I’m about to head out of town for the audition. My brother calls from the drag strip to give me an update on the car’s performance, the same car that will be in the movie. All is good. In fact, he’s doing rather well with it. I congratulate him and say, “I gotta go. I have to gas up. I’m going down to Bloomington to audition for a zombie movie, and get this: they want the Chevelle to be in the movie!”
“Really?” says my brother. “That’s kickass!”
“I KNOW!” I say, grinning like an idiot. I’m getting more excited now that my brother is on board with the idea as well. I gas up and hit the road.
Ninety minutes later and I’m down at the park. I basically just wander over to the one shelter they have there where a few people seem to be headed. I guess that’s how these things come together.
I get up to the group, who are laying out papers and positioning something that looks exactly like a video camera. My powers of perception tell me that I have, in fact, picked the right group to wander toward (this assisted by the fact that there were no other groups in the area at the time).
I introduce myself, and everyone seems pretty happy to be there and happy that I’ve come out as well. They’re a little surprised that I drove 90 minutes for the audition, but I didn’t get the opportunity to tell them that there were no zombie movies auditioning in my town that weekend. (I let them think it’s because I love theatre so much.)
Since I am cool and think of you, my Awesome Readers so much, I had the foresight to bring my trusty Nikon. Behold the gallery o’ fun that makes up the first round of auditions for “8 Wheels of Death!”
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- Getting set up. Dig all the readings and story description. No budget, but well-prepared!
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- Chris, the director, goes over some of the plot and his plans for various scenes.
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- The actress gets instructions from Chris as she prepares to read for the part of “Lola,” future zombie.
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- A group audition for a scene involving several roller girls. This involved a line about eating a future victim’s “delicious face.”
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- Zombie shambling! We had to display “zombie shambling!” It ruled.
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- Um, zombies don’t usually laugh, but sometimes these things happen. Some nice shambling, nevertheless.
I had a blast, and the Chris, the director, was very awesome in granting my request to read first, as I had to leave only about twenty minutes later so that I could drive back up north and play a gig. It was a full day, but one hell of a good time overall. Before I left, Chris told me that it looked like I would probably have a good chance of getting a speaking part in the movie. I read for the part of “Chester” the EMT, who’s pretty much a straight guy, but I also read for “Buck” who is a “smarmy redneck” who comes to a bad end. I’m a little hoping I get to be Buck, because he’s kind of a jackass, and I could SO have fun with that, because I’m so NOT that guy. (It would be the perfect excuse to wear a T-shirt that says “Chicks Dig Me” or “#1 Lover” or something equally tasteless.)
I will certainly keep you all updated on this one. Shooting takes place in July and August with plans to have it done and ready to show to the public by Halloween of this year, which is a pretty short turnaround on a movie, in my mind. It’s a zero-budget thing, and very campy, but I hope it comes out fun and wacky and entertaining all the same. From the folks I met it looks like it’s going to be a good time!
Oh, yeah, and that part about the novel? For those of you who have just tuned in, I started my first ever novel attempt on November 1, 2008 during the wonderful caffeine-infused frenzy that is NaNoWriMo. I got 76K words written within 30 days, which was more than enough to hit the challenge goal of 50K, but not enough to finish the story. My goal in entering NaNo was to completely write the rough draft of a novel, beginning to end. Since it wasn’t finished, I plodded along, and sometimes it seemed like I was never going to finish the damn thing, but the day finally arrived. The day after my zombie audition, June 28, I sat at a table in a funky little cafe near my home, typed the final sentence, sat back, took a sip of my latte, and clicked “Save” once and for all. 92,165 words, and they are all done and all mine.
Stay creative, kids.
The novel is done? 92k words? Tom, you are my new hero. Do I get to read it?
Yep, the novel is finished! I finally tied it to the dock, brought it into the corral, put on the last coat of paint, pulled it out of the oven, backed it out of the garage, and in all other manners of speaking, completed the rough draft. I should maybe do a quick post just on the novel, as it has dragged on for so long.
You’re the eleventh or nineteenth person who has asked to read it. It’s so rough that if you rubbed it against the side of your house it would take the aluminum siding right off, yet people keep asking about reading it.
I’ll do a blog about this, but it’s nice to be able to say it’s done. It’s nice to have completed it.
Important things first – yay for the rough draft! I haven’t read your most recent post yet, but I hope it has to do with the book.
You might get to be a zombie named Buck? I am so jealous! What a cool experience! THIS, my dear sir, we must get daily reports on. If you win the part and begin filming and everything.
Hmmm…this novel-finishing thing seemed a little anticlimactic at the time (the cafe was so laid-back and pleasant, I guess it took the brass band out of things), but it sounds like there are some writer-folk who want to know about it. Post forthcoming!
Yeah, a zombie named Buck! I’m a little nervous about not getting it. I’d like to be Buck, but if I get to be Chester, then I get to be devoured in the locker room by the entire team of zombie roller girls!!! What man hasn’t dreamed of being attacked by a team of roller girls – even if they are the living dead!
If you do the zombie roller girl scene promise me that at some point you will use this quote, “So I was thinking – I skate, you skate, we skate…Maybe we could get together some time and be a skating team.” Guess the movie! Guess! Guess! Here’s another hint, “She dates the basketball team. She doesn’t date certain members of team, Lane, SHE DATES THE WHOLE TEAM.” My freind Jennifer and I used to use that quote when describing slutty chicks at our school.
I used this quote on someone this past weekend! They didn’t get it. It made me sad.
“Gee, Ricky…sorry your mom blew up.”
Would it surprise you to know that I found the web site of the guy who tracked down the Camaro that was used to race the Cosell Brothers in that movie and I have now read all about its rediscovery and restoration? I am…a geek. *raises hand in acknowledgment*
Noooooooo! You found the Camaro? The car that, since that time, has sat in an auto cocoon on my front lawn?! Do you know of the tasty car of which I speak? (Does the fact that I am now conversing in movie quotes make you feel less alone in geekdom?)
“I know you kids are into this disco thing.”
“It has…raisins in it. You like raisins!”
“See my grandma, she, she freaked out on acid and hijacked a busload of penguins and then my little brother got his arm caught in the microwave, so it’s kind of a family emergency. Come back later? Okaybye!”
Yes. That Camaro. It can all be yours at betteroffdeadcamarodotcom!
I want my two dollars! Two dollars!
Oh, and hi. I am the aforementioned Jennifer, fellow geek, quoter extrordinaire, the once-great champ, now a study in moppishness. A pathetic, washed-up aged ex-champion.
I know we don’t know each other, but I had to get in on this Better Off Dead fribble. Yay for your book. There’s only one thing I can say about the zombies: “They’re out there, dad. They’re after me!”
Welcome to the blog, Jenn! Don’t worry, if the zombies are after you, just “go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way…turn.”
“He snorts nasal spray? You know where I can score some?”
Allow me to introduce you – Jennifer – Tom. Tom – Jennifer. Jennifer, Tom is also quite familiar with the movie that gave us this quote (Tom, Jenn and I one tried to memorize this speech): I flunk English, I’m outta here. Kiss college goodbye. I don’t know what I’ll do. Dad will be pissed off. Mom will be heartbroken. If I play my cards right, I get maybe a six-month grace period and then I gotta get a job, and you know what that means. That’s right, they start me at the drive-up window and I gradually work my way up from shakes to burgers, and then one day my lucky break comes: the french fry guy dies and they offer me the job! But the day I’m supposed to start, some men come by in a black Lincoln Continental and tell me I can make a quick 300 just for driving a van back from Mexico!…When I get out of jail I’m 36 years old. Living in a flop house. No job. No home. No upward mobility. Very few teeth. And then one day they find me, face down, talking to the gutter, clutching a bottle of paint thinner. And why? Because you wouldn’t help me in English, no! You were too busy to help me! Too busy to help a drowning man!
Badger, your copy of “How To Pick Up Trashy Women” came in. What’s a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?
(That last “Better Off Dead” quote I just thought I’d throw in there.)
Did you know Shakespeare died of syphillis?
Lane Meyer, slow down!
And dying when you’re not really sick is really sick, you know? Really!
This is pure snow! It’s everywhere! Have you any idea what the street value of this mountain is?
“I’ve been going to this high school for seven years. I’m no dummy!”
“Lane Meyer, a car is not a toy.”
“So you tell me which is worse, speaking no English, or speaking only Howard Coselle.”
“I could be at home drinking this monster eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid!”
“I have a credit card! …but my dad told me specifically I can only use it in an emergency.”
“Well maybe one will come up.”
“Get this man a trough of spritzer.”
“I’m a good looking guy.”
“You are. You are a good looking guy. We’re all three good looking guys.”
“And I think I’ll take your wife.”
“I was wondering how you’d feel if I took out Beth?”
“Buck up, little trooper. We’ll beat that slope together.”
“I’m gonna activate your dental plan! Get outta the car!”
Dude! I haven’t checked in in a while. I don’t know why! Come to think of it, I don’t know why I haven’t just subscribed to your blog. When did it get all pretty?!
Anyway. Zombie movie! Finished novel!! Yes!!!
You’re, like, absolutely sure that you a) have a day job and b) sleep at night, right?
Melissa,
Great to see you here again! I’m guessing that the planning of the perfect vegan wedding probably has a good deal to do with your absence, yes? From what I’ve read on the blog (though I should drop in and catch up), it’s no small task. I think mine “got all pretty” a while ago…months ago, I guess, but I don’t remember when.
Yeah, I do have a day job, but the sleeping thing, well, I’ve figured out this system where I only need to sleep six hours out of ever four days. It works pretty well, and aside from the high coffee bill, occasional paranoia, and fainting I seem to get a lot more done these days!
Oh, and before I forget:
“Did you know that pork rinds contain one percent of the recommended daily amount of riboflavin?”
“Don’t you wanna give me a riiide?”
“Driving with a load not properly tied down.”
“I’ll sing show tunes!”
“Where else on the human body are you going to find scoops of flesh?”